It’s amazing how our brain works. I mean, I am my brain, so I’m suppose to be in charge, right? I am my mind, so how can I play tricks on myself without me knowing I’m doing it? (reads again… yeah, that).
Like last saturday, I was shopping for what I seem to be expending more and more money nowadays: workout clothing. Through the biggest part of my weigh loss I wore common cotton t-shirt for my workouts. And dude, I sweat like a mad cow at the butcher. I always ended up drenched and cotton gets way too heavy when wet. So after I wasn’t a “L” size anymore I started to buy the fancy, “moisture-wick” workout clothes. The kind with the little holes trough the fabric. Yep, that kind.
Trust me, if you sweat like a do, it’s worth the investment. I left a puddle of sweat doing deadlifts, it’s ridiculous.
But I digress. Back to the shopping. I found this cool looking white t-shirt I just had to try on. I thought is was a little bit too small for a size “M”. I tried it on, only to found out it was a skin fit t-shirt. WAY, WAY more tight than any t-shirt I had ever tried on. I think it actually looked pretty good on me. But what was the first thing that came up to my mind??
“THEY ARE GOING TO LAUGH AT ME”.
Talk about punching yourself in the stomach without warning. Is that low self-steem, or just being cautious? I just automatically thought about them thinking “Look at that guy. I know he lost a lot of weight, but he really think he can wear a skin fit shirt? I mean, just look at that belly”. May I say, my beer belly kinda looks the same since the last progress pics.
The second thought was “It shows my piercings too much, so – wait for it – they’re going to laugh at me”. Wich is ridiculous. I had my nipples done a year ago, at age 29. It was an adult, well thought decision. Of course I thought about what would happen when I’ll show them in public at the beach, in the showers, in doctor’s appointments, etc. and yes, at first I was a little ashamed but I definitely didn’t had them done to hide them for the rest of my life and never take my shirt off in public.
The third thought was “They’ll think I’m trying to show off, so – I bet you guess it by now – they’re going to laugh at me”. Wich is ridiculous because…. oh wait. What’s the purpose of skin fit t-shirts, again? To let the sweat wick out faster? To keep more dry? Does it gives you more stamina? Nope. It is to show off. If I would wear that skin fit t-shirt, it would be to show off. But not to them, because there’s always the chance that they’ll laugh at me. I wanna show off to myself. Like “Look what you have accomplished. Now keep those punches and kicks looking good at the mirror!”.
Then the fourth – and last – thought came in. I thought “What if it’s offensive to the (OMG, I apologize in advance for the next few words) fat people at the gym?” And WHOAAA, there was a lot to take into analysis from that one. So, out of nowhere, if there is a line that divides “fat people” and “fit people” at the gym, I think of me now in the fit group? Well, look at that.
The truth is, when I was at 30% body fat and looked at the fit dudes doing their weight lifting rutine in a tight skin fit shirt, I thought “Well, that’s inspiring! Let’s go for that, keep lifting!”. Well, that’s not entirely truth. I tiny, very tiny part of me, the jeaulosy-filled-with-venom part of me was thinking “YEAH, I CAN SEE YOU ARE FIT DUDE, DO YOU HAD TO RUB IT IN MY FACE WEARING THAT TIGHT SHIRT, YOU FIT LITTLE SON OF A BIT*H?!?!?!??!” *breaths heavily for 20 seconds* Boy, that felt good coming out of my chest… Yeah, I admire them, but I secretly hate them too. Everyday I hated them a little less, though.
Anyway, I didn’t wanted to cast that reaction on people who are still earlier in their fat-loss journey. And yeah, I can get all that messy crap in my head from one lousy t-shirt.
So you’ll see, at that point I was pretty sure I was not going to buy the skin fit shirt. But then I saw that it was on sale. And if you get out of this blog post knowing just one thing, just one little thing about me, let it be this: I’m cheap. If dog food was actually cheaper than regular meals, I’ll think I would eat that a few times/week to save money. I’ll get in a fight for that coin in the floor. And the shirt was on sale. So of course I bought the darn thing.
I wore it today, at Body Combat class. I was very insecure about it but I have a great poker face so I wore that face also. Nobody seems to notice or care about the shirt. After 20 minutes I started to watch the t-shirt in the mirror so I could keep a look at my core and keep it tighten (so there is a practical use for this things!).
So, there it is, people. End of blog post. You can go home now. There’s nothing left to see here. What? What do you mean with “pics or it didn’t happened”???? OK, fine… here is little old me filled with endorphines after today’s Combat class 😉