*back from death*
Yeah, isn’t this weird? To not blog for a looooong time, and then write something again? There’s this akwardness in the air….
But you’ll see, I promise to myself to never, EVER stop blogging. Even if I take long pauses between posts, the blog will never be closed and buried. I had seen too many blogs disolving into thin air, great blogs actually, and I promised to myself that this wont happen here. Ever.
Yet, at the same time, I also promised to myself that I would post something only when I have something to say. Yes, I could post something like “Today I went to the gym, then eat right, then got drunk, but it’s all OK because I stayed under my calorie limit and I’m still thin” or some shit like that, just a fast review of my day and call it a post. But the thing is… I might post the same exact post every single day for months straight!!!! So, if I got nothing new to say…. I rather not.
But I got something “newish” to talk about today! It’s not exactly new new, but sorta new. I wanna talk about my very own body distortion syndrome.
Like this, but with a much bigger package. Really, like super huge bigger.
Let’s do the quick recap. I’m still eating primal, still working out, still thin. Do not worry about me going back to my previous 30% body fat self. Not. Gonna. Happen.
I have been doing some changes in my diet and workout strategies. For starters, I said in a previous post that I would start working out more at home, with just my 16 kilos kettlebell and own body weight. Dude, that shotgun backfired at me, big time. Turns out (big shocker): I’m a lazy fuck. I need more structure than “I’ll just workout whenever I feel like it, and I bet everything will turn out OK”. So, from now on I’ll work out 2 days a week, a proper gym workout, and just one day a week of “whatever I feel like doing” day.
In the diet department, I had been eating more potatos, some rice here and there, and a cheat meal (cake! cake! and more cake!) in the weekends.
But you’ll see, even with changes on diet and exercise (for the worst), I’m still losing fat. My weight is about the same, always around 63 kilos or so (still in the healthy range, not in the underweigth range) and my belt is again starting to ask for another hole… and I still have FAT DAYS.
I looked up body distortion on google, and turns out I don’t have it. I still can say to myself that I’m fucking nuts, and not fat. Real Body Distortion gets so bad that you actually feel and see yourself as morbidly obese when you’re anorexic and a bag of bones. I’m not that bad (yet).
I told you before that I want a super hero body. But not the muscular Thor or even Hulk; I want the very slim, yet muscular Spiderman body. If you think of Spiderman, he’s lightweight, yet muscular, and he has a really disturbing thin waist. Like, too thin. A wasp’s waist. I have one of those waists already. So, skinny fuck right here *waves hand in tha air*
But… when you are skinny like me, you just need to eat dinner to see something really different afterwards, spécially if you do Intermittent Fasting like me and FEAST during your dinner. Suddenly, you swallowed a WATERMELON. You’ll be right back to your skinny self in the morning, but after dinner, the actual content of your stomach shows up like a ballon. And if your mind is fucked up like mine is, this starts all kinds of emergency lights in you head. Scumbag Brain…
Oh, and mirrors. One day, in the lockerroom, I got a glimpse of myself and think “Dude, looking good!!!”. And the next day is “WTF; YOU FUCKING COW, WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?!”. And the very next day, is “Dude, looking good!!!”
Add same bipolar days to the mix with: big biceps/skinny arms; little pecs/decent pecs, better legs/skinny chicken legs, and on and on and on… sometimes I see differents thing DURING THE SAME DAY.
So, I came to this conclution: I’M FUCKING NUTS.
If I see my self as skinny or underweight, I savor that feeling for a few secs, and then say to myself “YOU’RE FUCKING NUTS. WHATEVER YOU THINK YOU’RE SEEING, IT’S A LIE. YOU’RE FUCKING NUTS DUDE, DON’T BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU SEE”.
And if I see myself as fat, I savor that feeling for a few secs, and then say to myself “YOU’RE FUCKING NUTS. WHATEVER YOU THINK YOU’RE SEEING, IT’S A LIE. YOU’RE FUCKING NUTS DUDE, DON’T BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU SEE”.
I learned that I can’t trust myself with body image issues. So, I’m gonna keep doing what I’m doing, and hope for the best!
Mantainance can be a bitch. OH YES, IT CAN BE.