Square Foot Garden: Part One

Fact you probably don’t know about me: I have two left hands. I hate everything crafty because, well, crafts hate me!  This hate relationship started well young, at age 7 probably, and stayed with me during my adult life.

At school, every single project resulted in a mess. Soda/vinegar volcano? It leaked from the bottom. That jewelry box I had to make? Crooked. That scarf they made me needle? I did it, so SO tight that it started like a scarf and ended like a knot. That time I tried to build my own PC? I burned the motherboard.

So you’ll see, crafts make me nervous. I don’t like them. Heck, even buying furniture makes me shiver because nobody sells you a freckin’ desk nowadays, oh no, they sell you a box with many many parts and bolts and a joke of a «instruction’s manual» wich consist in a few images of what the box should have and then an attempt to guide you «step-by-step» on how to put it together, obviously written by a mime (no words, at all!).

This also applies to gardening. My last project was lettuce. It didn’t even sprout. So, this idea of building a square foot garden (SFG) has everything of what my nightmares are filled with. I need to build a box, then mix up some special blend of dirt, then sprout seeds at home, then transplanting them… Oh dear God.

But the thing is, I want this garden so bad! For the last couple of years, every spring I think «Yes, this year I’ll build a greenhouse!» and never really do it. But the idea to grow my own veggies is like, wow, amazing! I finally get my hands into the «Square Foot Garden» book, wich is new to me but apparently has been a hit for many many years now, and decided to just dive into the project without thinking too much (and asking help from a friend who is slightly more crafty than me).

We went shopping for wood today, and I immediately assumed crash position. You know, crash position, like when your airplane is about to crash? I just asummed that something, at some point, was going to end up so bad that the whole project will be ruined. We got our wood cut, and after leaving the store and into the parking lot, well, something crashed. The damn plywood didn’t fit into my small city car! Instead of panicking, I went back into the store, bought some plastic rope, and after some mindwork, looking at the task from a lot of different angles and basically doing exactly what the dog from the top pic is doing, we came out with this:

Cool uh? But then… we can’t open the doors now. Duh! Total Homer moment. We pulled a «Dukes of Hazard» and jumped in from the open windows. Yes, people stared. Oh well.. And oh boy, that was a fun ride back home! My mind was racing about all the car accidents I was about to cause! Luckily, we arrived OK. In case you’re wondering, we used that lighter to cut the plastic rope, since we didn’t bring any scissors.

Just in case, let me remind you that…

… and my friend either does, so we decided to skip the drilling with screws like the book said, and finally went for good old fashion nails. Because we have never used a drill to screw screws. Lame, I know. We hammered the hell out of the wood (cracking some of it, then we switched to smaller nails, oops!) and get this nice frame to the end of it.

Then, I grew a pair and drill some holes into the plywood, can you see them? The holes, not the pair, I mean.

That’s for drainage. For a dude with two left hands, I was feeling like a lumberjack 😀

Finally, we hammered down some more nails aaaand…

..we got our raised bed, wich is also mobile now!

Did the plywood bottom fit perfectly? No. Was it hard to build? No. I decided to do this today, and nothing more. Sure, we could have done more work, but I decided that I would build this first today and nothing else. I hope tomorrow we will build the greeenhouse around it, and no, nothing else. No dirt mix tomorrow, no planting, no anything. Just build the greenhouse from some PVC tubes and some sturdy plastic wrap, and nothing else. Baby steps. I’ll keep you guys posted.

BTW, my surgery was fine, yet not fun. I’m pain free, and can move OK.

January’s report

I’m going to try to make a summary of every month of everything fitness related from now on. So, for january, 2012:

– Vacation week was spectacular! Lots of sun, red skin LOL, and fun. But the eating was… not perfect. I did eat stuff with gluten, and rice, and potatoes. But… I managed to eat 2 times a day, wich I think it helped, and not every meal was non primal. Also, lots of walking and swimming. And dancing. And booze :$. And cheap carbs at the beach.  Somehow, even with not perfect eats, I managed to came home even leaner than I left my house 😀

– In the sun deparment, I took sunbaths all vacation week long, and then some other camping days during the weekends. I used 30 factor sunblock only in my tattooes, and in the rest of my skin a 15 factor oil SOMETIMES. Mainly, I was in the sun without anything on my skin. Yes, I got a little red, but not that much. Up to this day, still no skin cancer.

– Up to this year, young chileans (45 years old and younger) have really catched up with getting tattooed. Now, everybody has ink. I saw a lot of sleeves. But for some reason, the same heavily tattooed people made a «WTF!!!» face when they saw my piercings. One little girl, around 14 years old, just ask me at the beach as we crossed paths: «Did those hurt?» And I answered her with a smile «Those are nipple piercings. Of course they hurted like a bitch!» She laughed.

– Chin-ups are in a plateau. Or I feel a light workout to easy, or I can’t finish a harder one. I took a test yesterday, and I can do 11 consecutive, full ROM, slow chin-ups in 1 set. So I went back to the 20 pull ups program (but I’m doing it with chin-ups) and started another week for the 11 reps. It felt too easy. It’s like I can’t get this program right. Sigh.

– Push ups are a different story!! I did 100 ALMOST consecutive push ups yesterday!!! GO ME!! OK, I did took like, 5 rests. The first one was like, 2 seconds. Just a pause to get my mind right, at 45 push ups. Then another rest, maybe 4 secs. Then, another for 5 secs. The fifth rest was like 8 seconds. And then, I finished 100 push ups. WOW.

– And I’m getting really good at dips. Full body weight, triceps focused dips in parallel bars. Last workout I did 5 sets of 12-14-10-10-14 reps. Triceps were pumped to the point that I had a hard time getting the lock opened with my key at the locker room, because my whole arms were shacky. That’s a good sign.

– Also, I had a carb binge just two days ago. Cake as the offending item. Today, I ate right. Lots of meats, veggies and oops 2 servings of red wine. SOOO GOOOOOOD!!! And nowm enjoying beer 😀

So that’s for January. Next week I’m posting new progress pics! See ya there.-

On vacations, and other animals

Because nothing says «I’m a fucking sex machine» like your pic taken while you do push ups and stare at the camera.

I’ll be away for the next week. I’m going to the beach, again! Last year, the tan lasted for about 9 months, WOW! I’ll be on Viña del Mar, here are some pics:

Yay! Also, I’ll be gymless for about a week too. But I am NOT taking the week off.

My plan is to stick to a bodyweight routine. Squats, pistol squats, crunches, push ups… hence the image in the beggining of this post.

May I say, I’m enjoying this new format of posting. You know, giving you a pic at the beginning of the post totally unrelated to the title, and then linking it to a whole idea. Yes, I like it!

So, I’m travelling but I have no idea where I’m going to sleep. Don’t know where to wash my clothing. Don’t know where (or what!) am I going to eat. I’m taking a leap of faith, and hope for the best.

I’m reviving my twitter account (it’s @darnfood) to post pics, so follow me there! And track my bodyweight’s exercises in fitocracy.com (I’m Reinaldo_ over there). Can’t get into fitocracy? Do you need an invite? Drop me a e-mail/comment/DM and I’ll send you one. It’s a great site. Think facebook meets twitter meets an RPG. You actually win points for working out, and level up!

Anyways, that’s it for now. I’ll be present in social media. See you there!

Happy New Year!!!

Happy 2012!!! Let’s face it, it is our last year before the Earth blows up in a hellish ball of fire… so enjoy every day!

Now, I hope you behaved this New Year’s Eve. I mean, it’s OK to party with your friends, i f you must…

And maybe even have a drink or two while you do karaoke. That’s cool too.

What it’s not cool at all, is to drink your own mass in alcohol and somehow think that hanging some Christmas ornaments in your crotch is funny because you get to have golden balls. Wait, WHAT!?!?!??!

And something that you must never, EVER do, is to stuff your manly chest with a Santa’s plushy and a Rudolph’s plushy, so you can have your picture taken while you pretend to twist your nipples in an erotic ecstasy.

WAIT, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTT!?!?!?!?!?!?!

O-H    D-E-AR   G-O-D.

And remember, if you get too drunk, you’ll look tipsy in the final pic, taken at 8:00 AM…

Umhh… yeah…. Let’s pretend THAT never happened, OK?

Anyways, HAPPY 2012!!!!

DIET: You’re doing it wrong!

Yes, I’m a Paleo/Primal advocate. But I’m not a zealot. I hate it when people get their megaphone out on the Internetz and start to lecture people with the Bacon Gospel.

This work for me. I’m pretty sure you’ll do it more than fine on it too. But I lost half my weight with a conventional low cal/low fat diet. Whatever rocks your boat.

So, I’m not here to tell you to eat more  fat and yada yada yada. Actually, do whatever diet/lifestyle you want! But please, just one note: be sure it’s working.

I don’t care why you eat what you eat. I’m sure you’ll have a lot a excuses for your «diet». Really, even if you are a level 15 vegan (only eats things that don’t cast a shadow) and you look great, hey, good for ya! The same for other paleo folks, or The Zone folks, or the Weight Watchers folks.

Just do whatever you are doing, ONLY if you are getting results. If it’s working, don’t change anything!!! If it’s not broken, don’t fix it!!! But please, please… if you’re still not seeing any results after 3 months of staying on track on your diet/lifestyle… reconsider trying something else. I’m not saying that you must try MY THING. Because what worked for me might not work FOR YOU. What I’m saying is: if it’s not working after 3 months (plenty of time to see at least some results) make a change. Don’t get into the insane loop of doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results.

Now if you excuse me, I must go to bed and guard my bedroom with a baseball bat all night. I just watched the first 2 episodes of «American Horror Story» and I’m really hearing things in my house. I’m afraid that the BDSM ghost leather guy might show up here. Or the bleeding twins. Or Jessica Lange *shudders*. I’m not afraid of mistake an old lady for a hot redhair, because that kind of shit happens with alcohol anyways. Yeah… it happen to a friend of mine. Yep, uhu… to a friend of mine.

The Wake

I went to a wake with my Mom today. Yep, someone died. Some old lady in my family I didn’t speak to for like 20 years. So I’m not falling apart here, crying myself out. I’m just… Dexter like. The serial killer Dexter, not the cartoon boy with the lab. Emotionless. Actually, I’m kind of glad she died. She was very deteriorated, her memory was lost, she tried to get out of bed and fell to the ground… miserable life, if you ask me. 10 years of living in your bed, watching the ceiling. Some people get old and still be active, others just wither and become child-like, wearing diapers and such. She was in the latter group.

It was an open casket wake. I respected my mom’s wish and we didn’t see her corpse/face. I wanted to, almost to see if I could recognize the old lady from my memories in that lifeless corpse. To see the work of the artist who did her make up. To see if … I would cry? But we didn’t. It was a scary time, tho. My mom is 69 years old. It’s gonna happen for me too, someday. I watched how the son and daughter of the dead woman were handling the whole thing. Her son was serious, but «powerful». Her daughter was powerful too, but she cried a lot (not in front of us, but her eyes were red and swollen. Kind of obvious, right? Her Mom just died).

I’m going to bury my Mom soon too. She’s 69, soon 70 years old. It’s gonna happen, eventually. It’s times like this I’m glad I’m a bastard. At least I don’t get to bury my father as well.

And after the wake, I hurried to the gym. I needed my workout. Wait, what? To the gym, after that wake? WTF?

You need to understand this: I’m doing this, the gym and diet thing, so I won’t end up like the woman who died today. Take Art De Vany. The dude is super old, yet super muscular and fit. That’s how I wanna be when I’m 70+ years old: pulling my car for a short workout, having a muscular body when everybody else around me (of my same age) are wearing diapers, and possibly fucking lots and lots without Viagra. Yep, lots and lots of fucking. Lots. Of. Fucking. No Viagra.

LOTS. OF. ELDERLY. FUCKING. Now go and try to take that mental image off your mind.

Leave it to me, to start a post with a dead old woman and finish it with lots of fucking, eh?

Male PMS

I scare myself sometimes. How easy it is for me to completely lose track of what I am or what I’m doing here. I’m having «one of those days» and I really scare myself.

I hardly felt depressed, at all. My energy is always high. I can say I’m a happy person. But  I’m not one today

Nothing really happened; I didn’t fought with anyone, I didn’t do… anything! Well, two things are different:

1- I haven’t exercised for 4 days. In the past, whenever I don’t regularly exercise, I always get this «male PMS» thing. But it usually takes longer for me to feel the «you’re a disgusting couch-potato» feel.

2- I also ate a lot of carbs today. A lot. And I’m usually low carb/gluten free, so maybe I’m more aware of the carb bump? Yes, I made that out, «carb bump». Or «fast food bump»? You know, when you avoid eating something potentially harmful for your belly and then binge on it, then feel like crap? Yeah, exactly that.

I can blame it on anything. The carbs, the lack of endorphins from exercise, whatever. The bottom line is: I feel UNWORTH IT. Whateva the fuck that means.

Umh.

Whatever. I know I’ll feel better in the morning.

Oh, and yes. I didn’t gave a single fuck about looking for a pic for the post. Sorry for the «just-words» post, and the bloom.

And just as I wrote this, it started to rain. I feel like I should go to my garden and just get wet, that would make me happy! Except it’s 1 AM…

Injured!

I was playing rugby and being all manly when I… Nah, I’m lying, I fell on the street 😛 My left knee is missing some skin (ouch!) and I have a swollen forearm.

So, no gym for a few days. I’ll keep eating good, tho.

Fitbloggin RANT

First, you people live way too far far away from me. Or is it me who live far far away from you? I don’t care, this is a rant. So FAR = BAD. Uhm.

Second, I’m not rich. If I had the means… I would have loved to be there.

Third, I wouldn’t been able to communicate with you. Yes, I could understand you, but you wouldn’t be able to understand a word I say. Bad english.

I really loved the little preview of the show that Susan was performing at fitbloggin. And of course, I missed it. Dammit.

I’m really curious about how JackSh!t sounds IRL. I secretly want to throw a bucket of cold water at him. And see how witty he is soaked in cold water. I want to punk him!

I also wanna throw a cake in Josie’s face. She probably would eat it before it hit her face. Big greedy mouth and all.

I wont even say anything about Roni. If I ever face her, I’ll probably just babble and drool and then faint.

And I have 20+ more bloggers I could say something about, but I wont. Because writing this post is kinda making me sad 😦 I wont be able to be there this year, or the next, and probably never will. Maybe I’ll become big money in the next years? Then again, maybe I wont. Maybe I feel like I connect with with you, but never will be able to see you, or hug you, or tell you IRL and live how you helped me change my life…

I just wish I could talk english fluidly and have the right tickets ATM. Anyway, I’ll be following you on tha tweetah. With sad puppy’s eyes.

Getting my mojo back

Apparently, I’m now a woman  with a 21-day menstrual cicle. Yes, you read that right.

In a previous post I told you about me going into the «Hollywood Physique» program (details here). Well, part of the program is working your ass off your 3 weeks and rest one week. The dude that wrote it told me I was risking overtraining while on this program. Actually, he wanted me to reach overtraining. He wanted me to cry while driving to the gym at the end of the 21 first days. Then I will have my 7 days vacation off the gym and all will be better again.

«Ha!» – I said. «Sorry dude, I’m just too hardcore to overtrain on your little program».

«Just beware»… he said.

«Nope, I’m too manly to skip the gym dude! I’ll show you!»

FASTFORWARD 2 WEEKS —> And I go all EMO on my reader’s asses. OK, fine, he was right. Jeez!

I swallowed the jagged little pill, anyways. I realized the funk I was getting was all part of his plan. OK, OK, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me go back a few days ago.

After writing that last emo post, I had a haircut. My hairdresser said to me «Look at you! You’re just so skinny! Looking good tho!» and she grabbed my biceps in that last sentence. Then I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I do look different in just 2 weeks! Like the shoulders got (somehow) to look wider. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m still a skinny underweighted little fuck, but now I’m a skinny underweighted little fuck with some shoulders!! How did that happened? The straws I like to call legs also are getting a little more meat to them. Yes, they’re still straws, but… thicker straws.

So I logged on the Hollywood Physique website again. I re-read everything. Then I got it. The funk is all part the plan. This dude actually wants me to overtrain after 3 weeks. So those emo feelings were part of his plan. He said it was going to happen. I just didn’t think it would happen to me!

So, whenever I feel like not working out, I remember that I’m trying to overtraining myself! I’m trying to punish my body so hard that I cry while  drive to the gym. It’s not really a physical overtrain, but a mental one. I know next week is «no workouts but eat your bodyweight in meat and eggs week» so I just need to wear out my hot bod for a few more days.

Now don’t give me that look. I know overtraining is bad. PLANNED overtraining in the other hand, with a planned 7 days of rest after it… is a different story. Plus, just 3 weeks in the program and I’m already seeing results? Me likes.

So, expect me bitching and crying every three weeks for the next few months. Oh, what? Pics or it didn’t happened? Well, I’m very shy about taking my pic shirtless so… OK OK This freakin’ blog was build on shirtless pics of myself, I know, but if you read a few months ago my camera was stolen 😦 I’ll get to progress pics soon enough. See you soon!